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When we are in the mire of addiction, it can be difficult to see clearly. It's common for people early in recovery to ask, "What do I need to do?" It is a fair question. When we are in the addictive cycle, it can be hard to see life clearly and so we crave to have some clarity on how to move forward.&nbsp;Instead of offering a "to-do" list or a legalistic formula, I just want to share some common practices that people who maintain sobriety long-term engage in. There are many roads to recovery, so some of these might not fit for you. Think of it as trying on a new pair of shoes: sit with what it might be like to walk forward with some of these areas and see what sticks out to you. Maybe there's a practice here that you haven't explored yet and feels like the right fit for now. Are there any of these approaches that you haven't tried that might be worth focusing on for a time?&nbsp;Long-term sobriety definitely isn't limited to these, but here are 10 that came to mind (not in any particular order of importance):&nbsp;1. Growing in emotional awareness through the use of tools like journaling, feelings wheel, prayer, or the FASTER scale. Why it's important: the sooner you can recognize your emotional distress, the sooner you can make steps to take care of yourself in ways that aren't acting out.&nbsp; 2. Making phone calls with people who understand recovery and not only want to know how you're doing sobriety-wise but emotionally as well. Why it's important: connecting with people who don't understand recovery or who serve as the "sobriety police" is draining. Connecting with people who understand you and are interested in your life is life-giving and builds connection. 3. Deepening understanding of the "why" of your addiction. Why it's important: Being able to answer the question, "Why do I do this?" helps clarify what the core emotional triggers are behind the behavior and helps you understand your story.&nbsp; 4. Continuing attendance of support groups where you feel safe, understood, and supported, and have the opportunity to pour into others. Why it's important: The harshness of life continues even after sobriety is built, and your old patterns can quickly emerge if you are isolated. Plus, being in a group of newbies and veterans to recovery can help you keep perspective.&nbsp; 5. A fervent commitment to honesty at all times. Why it's important: Staying sober is harder than getting sober, and the secret sauce that keeps you in the game is honesty. Being honest is an exercise in authenticity and makes change possible.&nbsp; 6. Understanding your story and toxic shame messages that you have held onto since childhood. Why it's important: it has been said that addicts aren't born, they are created. Your childhood strategies to cope with trauma and insufficient attachment in relationships are the foundation of why you respond to life challenges today the way you do. Learning about your trauma and attachment difficulties will give you healing at a deeper level. That said, please don't engage in this step without proper support from a coach or therapist as it can be triggering and distressing.&nbsp; 7. Rediscovering a relationship with God that is not shame-based. Why it is important: a lot of men from faith backgrounds have a lot of religious baggage that is shame-focused. To recover spiritually, you may need to deconstruct the baggage you are carrying and take a spiritual trek to rediscover the amazing loving God that you've always longed for.&nbsp; 8. A continual commitment to holistic health and wellness. Why it's important: it is a lot easier to go to addictive paths when we are drained. Taking care of yourself spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, and socially becomes a primary means of "preventative medicine."&nbsp; 9. Rediscovering your values, strengths, and passions in life. Why it is important: addiction is a lot more attractive when we feel unmotivated and a lack of purpose in life. Identifying the strengths that you possess, clarifying what is truly important to you, and rediscovering what "gives you life" can guide you toward a more fulfilling life. 10. Returning to core recovery tools as needed. Why it's important: tools like a relapse prevention plan, relapse response plan, an emergency plan, self care plan, or travel plan are all tools you may have used to "get sober." But life can keep throwing us a "perfect storm" of distressing challenges that can make it easier for addiction to pop back up again. There's no shame in leaning into recovery tools when you face vulnerable moments in life.&nbsp;

10 Ways to Maintain Sobriety

Young man praying in the morning, Hands folded in prayer concept for faith, spirituality and religion 

I wonder if making porn addiction recovery a focus of our churches is one of the biggest catalysts for spiritual growth at our disposal. What if intentionally engaging porn addiction in church sparked a spiritual revival that we are longing to see? I wonder if making space to talk about this issue could result in a depth of community that our churches have never experienced.&nbsp;Walking through pornography addiction myself and with many others has shown me that one of the biggest hurdles to overcome in the Christian life is to believe that God loves us – that he has a special, personal love for YOU. Like other secret sins and addictions, pornography usage for Christians is a powerful force of shame and self-contempt, because it is in contradiction to their desire to follow God’s moral will. Being internally divided in this way is a miserable experience. To the Christian, porn lodges itself as a wall between them and God, constantly reinforcing messages of shame that attack their faith. Whenever they hear the word “sin” or have a moment to “get right with God” before the altar call or to take communion, this voice of shame speaks up about their secret porn habit.I believe that shame and secrecy stunts spiritual growth. Of course, sin holds us back from living life the way God intended it. But when a person has a safe place to “walk in the light” with others, then there is a huge opportunity for spiritual growth and whole-life transformation. For a lot of men I know, they finally felt safe enough to get help once their pastor or another leader in the church started to talk about the issue in a caring way that invited further conversation.Once recovery from porn addiction begins, the power of the shame begins to weaken. Building sobriety in a safe, loving community with others on the same journey allows the emotional hold of shame to lift. Although recovery is not a means to earn God’s love, most if not all people I know in recovery can attest that they felt more emotionally and spiritually capable to receive the love of God once they entered recovery. For a lot of us, we just needed other people who knew the parts of us that we hate most to say, “I love you and God loves you. Let’s get up and take a step together.” I believe this recovery journey has profound implications for a spiritual growth as a person begins to experience what Paul talked about in Ephesians 3 when he prayed that the Ephesians would, “have strength to comprehend with all the saints…the love of Christ.” &nbsp;The people I know in recovery who have walked this journey haven’t stopped at just not looking at porn. For a lot of us, once the shame of dealing with addiction on our own has lifted, we have the energy to delve into growth in a way we haven’t experienced before. I’ve seen men and women pursue God, their spouse &amp; family, and share their experience of faith &amp; vulnerability in a way that they never had before. These are people who have experienced the freedom of walking in the light, learning to accept God’s care for their whole life (spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally), and have become evangelists for this new life of healing. And they’re the people you want as leaders in your church. In fact, they’re probably the people who can be a safe place for you to be honest in your church as well.If you’re a pastor or leader in your church, then you have more power than anyone else in your congregation to make porn addiction recovery a focus of your church, and I hope that you’ll consider it. I know that there are so many other questions to address on this topic as a pastor. How do you talk about porn in a way that is sensitive to all people in the church? What does recovery look like? What do I need to know about how addiction works? These are all questions that I hope to address here in the future. In the meantime, if you’re a pastor or church leader who would like to chat about this topic, I’d love to hear from you! And thank you for all that you do in leading your church – you are important and I’m grateful for you.

Jeff Penner, LPC-Associate

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10 Ways to Maintain Sobriety

Could Porn Addiction Recovery Help your Church Grow Spiri...